Seemingly Hindered pt. 2

The story in my previous post occurred at the end of a especially challenging time, but through all of it the Lord taught me to tie my shoes.

"May the God who has caused his name to dwell there overthrow any king or people who shall put out a hand to alter this, or to destroy this house of God that is in Jerusalem. I Darius make a decree; let it be done with all diligence." Ezra 6:12

I was told before I came on STINT that I would learn a lot about myself. "How could this be?", I thought, "I know myself pretty well." Well the thing about STINT is not that you didn't know yourself beforehand, its just that you knew who you were in a very safe place. Never had I been broken down, been pulled in so many directions at once, or been so exhausted in my life before that first month on STINT. I was the house of God in Jerusalem that Ezra 5 speaks of. The house that was meant for great things, for bringing Glory to the Lord. I was in need of rebuilding. 

He has brought me through some hard things, and He never left me. Although He may not have felt close, He was there. I cannot say that after my tribulation has ended, "Father, you came back! Look at what I have learned on my own through my struggles!" but rather my heart is now inclined to say, "Father, you knew didn't you? You always were watching and guiding. It was your teaching that changed me, because it certainly wasn't my attitude that did that. They were your trials that you set out for me. And you did it all because you love me." 

The Lord sees us running to Him excited about what we think we've learned, and He smiles anyways. He rejoices, as a loving Father would watch his child learn to tie his own shoes. He picks me up and spins me around laughing and saying, "you did it!" I laugh in return, because He loves me, and because I hated those velcro shoes anyways. 

As Darius decreed, I too want to pursue this "rebuilding" with diligence. And as grace abounds, I rest on the ultimate cornerstone and trust in Him to bring me to salvation. Jesus lays brick after brick in my life, and it is a joy to want so badly to assist this magnificent design. 

My prayer now is that of Psalm 138, because I know that this year is far from over, and even now far from easy. I know that my trials are just beginning and that I have a long ways to go, but the Lord is mighty and sovereign over even the little victories in our lives and rejoices right along side every one.

Father, draw me closer as I seek to grow how you have intended me to grow. Let me praise you in tough times and in comfortable times. "Though the LORD is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly; though lofty, he sees them from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me. The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever — do not abandon the works of your hands."

Seemingly Hindered pt. 1

I have mentioned before that the first five weeks here in Paris were really difficult for our team, and I wanted to regale at least one example of how the Lord has been breaking us down. This is a 2 part post because the story i'm about to tell is long, but worth reading.

Throughout the first five weeks God had been stretching the relationships on our team and testing our patience almost daily. It was a struggle to all be living under one roof, but having no other viable options we endured. Then, about three weeks ago when the men on our team landed an apartment! That week was also the week we were starting classes and had an exhaustingly full schedule every day. We moved in on that wednesday with the whole team carrying the men's luggage and makeshift bedding across the city using public transportation. We were quite a sight. For the next two nights we slept on the floor, and it wasn't until that Friday that we could take a trip to Ikea to get things like: beds, mattresses, blankets, etc. 

So we meet up as a team that Friday to leave and emotions were already running high. This was due to a couple of reasons: we had just finished a week of an intensive French language course; we cancelled what is usually a fun "team time" activity to make this trip; and Ikea is not close by. It is in Thiais, which is more than 12km from where we were and with no car we have to figure out the best way to take several metros / trains to get out to its location nestled deep in the suburbs of Paris. 

We meet up with Xavier, a member of the French staff team along for the ride on this night to help us carry back all the things we planned on buying, and off we (Myself, Brett, John, Xavier and the girls) go. Two metros and a train, a thirty minute walk through the rain from the station and one stop to ask a Frenchman for directions later, we made it to Ikea over an hour after we left Paris. Wet and tired we arrive and realize we have about an hour and a half until it closes for the night. We quickly eat dinner (Swedish meatballs and potatoes of course) and trek through Ikea for the next hour or so.

I feel it's necessary to interject here that I had never been to Ikea before. It is entirely overwhelming! Room arrangements made entirely of plastic, endless kitchen appliances, and more duvet cover colors than I thought possible, team up to overload all of your senses until you walk out of the store, look down at what you bought and go "huh?" 

After looking at several bed options, we decide to get two bunk beds for the three of us men, and leave the bottom bed off the second to turn it into a loft-style bed. 

We were within fifteen minutes of closing and, having accomplished most things on our list, headed down to the towering warehouse where we hoped to simply get our two bunk bed frames and three mattresses. We really should have known. 

The good news: we had our French staff friend with us to communicate with the Ikea staff and figure out how to get our mattresses and bed frames; the bad news: both bed frames and one of our mattresses are at another warehouse about 2k down two different roads, and they close in 15 minutes. The adrenaline is seriously pumping at this point. We had come way too far not to try our hardest to finish this mission. Not really knowing where to go Brett and Xavier strap up their shoes and literally run off to find this place while John and I stay behind to get the other two mattresses and check out of the store with all our stuff. 

We walk around the city of scaffolding until we find the place where our mattresses should be, but the shelf is empty. Seeing a crate with our mattresses higher up, we ask an employee to retrieve them for us, he says its not possible to get a lift available until the morning. He walks away, then with John as my spotter, going into hyper drive I climb up the shelving and start ripping open the crate containing our mattresses. He sees me from across the warehouse and hurriedly asks me to come down insisting that he will get a lift for our mattresses. 

At this point Brett and Xavier had made it to the other warehouse and were checking out there but had no way to get these beds and mattress back to the train station. The plan was to meet up with them, call a cab to get to the station helping them carry these beds through this whole process. So mattresses in hand John and I get in line and well after they had closed, check out of the store, when the girls come up to us and say that they've found a ride to the station. At the same time Brett calls and says that they've found a ride as well from their location and for us just to meet them at the station. We coordinate with the girls and walk all of our stuff down to this completely random French guy's car thinking we're home free. 

Not so fast. It turns out this guy speaks great English, but drives the pinto of station wagons and can only fit the girls in with all of our stuff. So we send the four girls on our team off to the station with this random French guy, and John and I are left to get ourselves back to the station to meet up with everyone and leave together. Remember that thirty minute walk we made to get to Ikea from the station? Well, at this point we realize that trains stop running back to Paris in the next 20 minutes so we have to book it to make the last train back of the night. 

With all that had happened so far that day, and leading up to this day, there was a moment where John and I were running through the still raining suburbs of Paris, in our rolled-up jeans, sweaters and slip on shoes and I thought, "What. am. I. doing?" The safe, comfortable American inside me woke up for just a minute and it was the first "reality" check I had had since being in France. God quickly responded with, "well, you're on STINT." 

Trudging through the suburbs, the train station is finally in sight and I get a call from Brett that they had been dropped off to another station further down the line. So we find the girls and let them know we have to figure out which train Brett and Xavier are on and jump quickly onto it when we do figure it out. We do, and finally all together again and on our way back to Paris. 

Now comes the hard part. Yup, the hard part. Earlier upon arriving at the warehouse, Brett and Xavier had discovered that the long, awkward boxes of beds frames we now had to carry through two stations, a metro transfer, and then through the streets to our apartment each weigh 112lbs. So the girls took all the rest of our stuff, we put one guy on each end of a box and just manned up and got it done. My arms, neck and back had never had that much strain before and several days later they were still letting me know how unhappy with me they were that night. 

Mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted we reach our apartment and just collapse. We bid farewell to Xavier, and all three of us determined to sleep in our beds that night, and still high on adrenaline, start building. One bed down and several hours later we realize that there is a crucial piece that is defective in the second box. The second bed is not able to be built. Defeated for the last time, we give in to the exhaustion that had set in hours ago, call it a night and sleep, two in the first bed, and one on the couch, for the next 10 hours.

We went back out to Thiais the next day to remedy the defunct piece and by the next night we were settled in and all of us sleeping in beds. God is good. He carries us through even the most ridiculous of situations because he loves us deeply and wants what is best for us in our lives. 

Stay tuned to see how this story pertains to Ezra 5-6.

Through Furnaces with Love

Seven weeks have gone by here in Paris and it has been quite a ride thus far. Smelly Parisian plumbers charging us 150€ merely to look at our toilet, trips to Ikea ending in sprinting through the suburbs of France in the rain to catch a train whereafter carrying 112lb bunk beds through two metro lines and up to our apartment, and explaining in the little French I know that just because Jesus was middle-eastern that does not make Him a Muslim have been just some of the highlights of my first exposure to western europe.

Most of the first month was really hard for myself and my team. In that time I came upon two passages that really spoke to me and comforted me in what felt like some sort of punishment from the Lord. 

We see in Daniel 4 that the King Nebuchadnezzar has received an interpretation of his dream and at the end is admonished to "break off his sins by practicing righteousness." The very next passage describes Nebuchadnezzar standing pridefully upon his rooftop praising himself for his mighty kingdom. He suffers humiliation, as predicted, and spends a length of time in the wilderness, until he returns and praises the Lord Almighty. 

What we have here is Parenting 101. The Lord our Father disciplines Nebuchadnezzar for his disobedience until he learns his lesson. The psalmist of Psalm 81 recalls that "my people did not listen to my voice; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts," and we see another way in which God deals with disobedience. 

In my life, I can relate to both of these situations. I want to receive recognition for what i've done like Nebuchadnezzar. I want to be independent and accomplished and stand on top of a roof and look in satisfaction over all I have accomplished. And I often do this stubbornly as the Israelites, not to be moved from my pride and sin. My inclination is to brag, not to submit. 

But here comes the good part: our loving God does not change! In scripture we often see that our disobedience breaks God's heart. Our heavenly Father loves us so much that He would discipline us in order to bring us to holiness. The Lord has perfected this thing Dads call "tough love" and He always has a plan in mind for how this discipline will benefit our lives. But even when I am serving Him in every way I think I can be, and these trials that seem like punishment come upon me, I have to remember the truth that God loves me. He wants so bad to, "feed you with the finest of wheat, and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you."

Father, teach me to understand this love that loves in the face of disobedience. Mature me as a child in your eyes and stay close as I learn hard lessons.

Expectations of Faith

Yesterday morning was our first meeting with the Agapé France team here in Paris. The energy was exciting and I can't wait to get on campus with my newfound French brothers and sisters. We read through a passage that I have read before in Jeremiah, its the "I know the plans" passage that we read when we're uncertain about the future and a wonderfully comforting reminder.

But something struck me in a challenging way being here in Paris, and I want to share some thoughts and revelations with you. 

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

In this passage the Israelites are discouraged. They have been exiled and are waiting for the Lord to deliver them. They are short-sighted and see only their present struggles and circumstances. They want immediate redemption from exile and are starting to believe anyone who will tell them what they want to hear.

False prophets are promising a better life elsewhere, but God's call is different. He tells them to take up residence where they are at, and to live their lives trusting him wherever they are. The Lord assures them that "I know the plans I have for you," and they are pretty good plans! 

How often do I jump to the conclusion, that because my own circumstances are not as they should be, that my God does not love me. That he is not inclined to do good to me. Maybe that he is not even leaning favorably in my direction. 

Matthew Henry says, "We are sometimes ready to fear that God's designs are all against us; but as to his own people, even that which seems evil, is for good. He will give them, not the expectations of their fears, or the expectations of their fancies, but the expectations of their faith; the end he has promised, which will be the best for them." 

God desires that I put my faith in him. That despite my doubts, or my dreams, I must trust that He will be on my side, to do in His will what is best for me in every situation. That He will give me the expectations of my faith, and nothing else. 

Father. Help me to see your love in my life. I give you my doubts, I give you my desires. I have nothing else but to rely on you, and the more I try and serve you the more obvious that becomes. You love me, and I want to believe that all the time. 

A Place to Lay Our Heads

So we made it. We are here in Paris for the rest of the next 300 or so days, and my first impressions: I LOVE THIS CITY. The food is fantastic, the people have been delightful, and I may even wind up losing a few pounds with all this walking. I will highlight a few things that have stood out:

The Metro:
What a fantastic way to get around the city. The first thing you have to realize about France, is that everything takes longer than in America. Once you embrace this reality (as if I know what I'm talking about) you will be much happier, and able to relax in all situations. The metro is a great example of this. It just takes longer to get anywhere you want to go. It is completely efficient and surprisingly clean, and you can get to anywhere in the city on one pass. We have figured it out at this point, but will continue to tweak the fastest routes around the city.

The Food:
We have had a few meals by now, and I have not been less than impressed by anything I have had. The paninis, crepes and gyros will quickly become a part of my normal diet and they are welcome to stay as long as they want.

Prayer Requests:
- That the men would find housing - we have been house-hopping since Thursday night and are searching ardently to find an apartment to stay in for the rest of the year.
- Patience - as I mentioned earlier, things just take longer here. We must learn not to take our frustration, that our selfish need for instant satisfaction breeds, out on the French
- That God would prepare the hearts of the students we will be connecting with in the next coming weeks

Updates will be more frequent and photo-filled, so stay tuned and leave a comment, I would love to hear from you :)

Strength Under Siege

Hey there. So. Exactly two months ago was my last post. A sorry blogger I have become, but I'm determined to keep myself accountable to stay open and honest about where the Lord has me and what He's doing in my life.

Quick update. I have about $20,000 left to raise by August 10 (essentially) in order to depart for my STINT in Paris on time. The Lord is showing up and brining money in and I'm confident He will provide the rest.

2 Chronicles 32:22

In this passage the story unfolds that Sennacherib, (god bless you) the King of Assyria, attacks the gates of Jerusalem. He physically approaches the walls and comes with messages to deliver to their king. He tries to trick them into thinking that all of their trust in their God will be for nothing as his army is very strong, and their God is weak. Hezekiah is the king of Jerusalem and his wise advice to his men is to not respond to the words that Sennacherib is saying. So they stand there, taking his insults and blasphemy, and report every word of it to the king.

Hezekiah is distraught but responds by brining these attacks before the Lord. He lays out all of the things that his attacker said, and the Lord responds mightily. An angel of the Lord slaughters Sennacherib's army and returns home ashamed.

Recently I faced an attack that felt very similar to this one. Thankfully, the peace of the Lord descended quickly and it did not amount to much. But turning to this passage gave me hope, and joy that I am certainly on the right side of this spiritual battle.

Father, keep me close to your strength. Be responsive to my cries for help. You are majestic in the ways you save me from danger. Thank you for your relentless love.

A Surrendered State

I encourage you to read through Romans 6 and just meditate, and dwell on the implications of the gospel that Paul speaks of, in your own life. I only made it three verses in...

Romans 6:3

"Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?"

In this passage Paul is describing how Christians have left behind their old ways to follow Christ. He is explaining that

we have died to sin, to be made alive in Christ.

Paul brings up something tha

t is easy to overlook when thinking about life in Christ. When I think of baptism I think of birth. Of rebirth. A new life cleansed by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit that is now a temple of

the Lord. Another part of our baptism in Christ, and an equally important one in that is our

baptism into his death.

His death on the cross not only mea

nt new life, but it also meant a complete separation from sin. Rom 4:25 "who was delivered up

for

our trespasses and raised for our justification", and as we accept the new life he offers, we must be baptized into his death as well. Death from our old habits, death from our sinful ways, death from every part of ourselves that is not Christ! It is impossible for us to live in sin and in Christ at the same time.

Father, help me to leave behind my sinful self. I want to live fully covered in the blood of Christ. Break me down, that I might be built up in your image. Strip me of my pride that I might have nothing left but to rest in your presence. Let your hand guide my ways and lead me down a path to see Jesus and him only.

A Place to Make Offerings

2 Chronicles 2:6

..."Who am I to build a house for Him, except as a place to make offerings before him."

It has been 480 years since Israel was brought out of Egypt and Solomon, son of David, has established himself as king and the Lord is clearly with him. He has accumulated an insane amount of wealth and decides to build a temple, a house for the Lord. Upon laying out his plans for all the ways he will worship the Lord with this temple, he stops and realizes something significant.

He realizes that he is building this great temple, "for our God is Greater than all gods," but not even the heavens can contain our God, so how is this temple going to be a suitable place for the Lord to reside?!

1 Cor 3:16 says, "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's spirit dwells in you?" I think about this verse and what it means to be a temple of the Lord. Solomon gets carried away with his plans for the temple, then realigns his perspective, and comes to the conclusion that this temple is only a place to make offerings. And so are we.

Daily I must say to myself, "Who am I to build a house for Him, except as a place to make offerings before Him." I take away two things from this verse:

• As I walk through my days, am I building myself as a temple for God? Or am I engaging in things that detract from his glory? Solomon went all out to build this temple, he spared no expense and it was his joy to build a great temple for the Lord. So should I treat my body: physically, mentally, emotionally you name it, it belongs to Him. My body is an undeserving temple where the Lord chooses to reside, and I want it to be a suitable place for the King of Glory to dwell.
• Do I expect to do anything more for God, than simply to serve and glorify him in seeking His face and growing in knowledge of Him? We must continually humble ourselves to the fact that we can do nothing for our Lord. We can neither add nor subtract from his glory and the second we think that we are doing something for Him, that's the second we fall to pride. Solomon describes the temple as having one purpose, and the good news is if we are solely to be a place of offerings for the Lord, then He only has one requirement (Hosea 6:6).

Father, teach me how to let go of my life and all the ways I think I am serving you. Draw me near as I seek your face. Fill this dirty, broken temple with your Spirit and give me the strength to build your house for your glory.

Lord of the Temple

Matthew 21:13

" He said to them, 'It is written, "My house shall be called a house of prayer," but you make it a den of robbers.'"

Christ had just entered Jerusalem in a triumphant way. Riding in on a donkey he was adorned and praised by throngs of people. After this he goes to the temple, and Jesus is disgusted by what he sees. He cleanses the temple of it's impurities and quotes Isaiah 56:7, calling them out on their sin.

Jesus deals with the people defacing the temple rather violently. He does this, I think, because he truly does love them. He does not enter the temple to worship, but rather as Lord over all. He enters in to the temple with an agenda, a plan for righteousness, and he carries it out. The temple was made into a place of sin, of treachery, of sadness and sorrow. But Jesus came into that place and proclaimed it to be a house of prayer, full of joy and closeness to God.

As I walk with him I can't help but identify things in my life that keep me from being close with God, to the things brought into that temple. All the chaos, and distractions, and sin inside that temple mirrors how I treat my walk with the Lord. As a Christian I am a temple yes, but I deface it daily with selfishness and pride and I want more than to be a house of prayer. Despite it's intensity, this passage is encouraging, and I cling to the promise of sanctification! At times I see Christ thrashing about inside my heart, turning over tables and screaming out "I love you!" As he turned the tables over in the temple I believe that Jesus was sad. He was well aware of the sacrifice he was going to make, and he saw what he was doing it for. A people who could never love him back the way he loves us.

Father, your love is enough. Help me to live out this truth in my heart. Cleanse me daily and let me see how much you love me. Let your spirit be contagious and let the cleansing of my heart lead to fruit.

Vanashing Goodness

Well, nineteen months later, here I am. Fully aware that I am speaking to myself (why would anyone be waiting to see if I am blogging after nineteen months) I felt the need for an outlet for what the Lord has been teaching me, and will continue to teach me. As I journal in my private time I want to share every now and then what the Lord is putting on my heart and how he is convicting me in this tumultuous season of my life.

To serve as an update and point of reference for the re-launching of this blog, here's what you missed: I am a week away from graduating from the University of Florida with a B.S. in Family, Youth and Community Sciences. This summer I am raising support in order that I might serve the Lord in Paris, France through a year-long internship with Campus Crusade for Christ. More details will follow, but those are the big things for now.

Matthew 12:7

"And if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,' you would have not condemned the guiltless."

This passage begins on the sabbath, and the disciples, hungry and no doubt tired, begin to pluck heads of grain and eat them. The Pharisees, hearts set on trapping Jesus, call him out on working on the sabbath. Jesus responds by quoting scripture right back to them. He references times when priests had entered the presence of God and eaten on the sabbath. He asserts his authority and tries to change their perceptions on the heart behind the Law.

I understand that Jesus came to fulfill what the Law could not. He references a verse from Hosea 6:6. The Pharisees needed to hear that it was not works or obedience to the law that condemns a man, but that it has always been about faith in God. I am much more like the early Israelites than I would like to admit. They gave sacrifice after sacrifice and it seems as though their goodness was fleeting. Jesus is saying here that he wants me to be intimate with Him. Not do things for him like give burnt offerings, but to seek his face and grow in my knowledge of Him. This knowledge that produces holy fear and love.

As I enter into this summer of doing service to God by raising support, I don't want my money, or my energy, or my time to become simply an offering from me to earn favor from God. My goodness like Israel will surely vanish before I even open my eyes in the morning.

Father, show me what mercy looks like. If it is mercy you require, father give me the grace to experience this mercy first hand that I might live my days full of your spirit. Teach me what it means to live for you full of mercy and knowledge of you. Strip me of my pride and let me depend on you for every breath.