"May the God who has caused his name to dwell there overthrow any king or people who shall put out a hand to alter this, or to destroy this house of God that is in Jerusalem. I Darius make a decree; let it be done with all diligence." Ezra 6:12
I was told before I came on STINT that I would learn a lot about myself. "How could this be?", I thought, "I know myself pretty well." Well the thing about STINT is not that you didn't know yourself beforehand, its just that you knew who you were in a very safe place. Never had I been broken down, been pulled in so many directions at once, or been so exhausted in my life before that first month on STINT. I was the house of God in Jerusalem that Ezra 5 speaks of. The house that was meant for great things, for bringing Glory to the Lord. I was in need of rebuilding.
He has brought me through some hard things, and He never left me. Although He may not have felt close, He was there. I cannot say that after my tribulation has ended, "Father, you came back! Look at what I have learned on my own through my struggles!" but rather my heart is now inclined to say, "Father, you knew didn't you? You always were watching and guiding. It was your teaching that changed me, because it certainly wasn't my attitude that did that. They were your trials that you set out for me. And you did it all because you love me."
The Lord sees us running to Him excited about what we think we've learned, and He smiles anyways. He rejoices, as a loving Father would watch his child learn to tie his own shoes. He picks me up and spins me around laughing and saying, "you did it!" I laugh in return, because He loves me, and because I hated those velcro shoes anyways.
As Darius decreed, I too want to pursue this "rebuilding" with diligence. And as grace abounds, I rest on the ultimate cornerstone and trust in Him to bring me to salvation. Jesus lays brick after brick in my life, and it is a joy to want so badly to assist this magnificent design.
My prayer now is that of Psalm 138, because I know that this year is far from over, and even now far from easy. I know that my trials are just beginning and that I have a long ways to go, but the Lord is mighty and sovereign over even the little victories in our lives and rejoices right along side every one.
Father, draw me closer as I seek to grow how you have intended me to grow. Let me praise you in tough times and in comfortable times. "Though the LORD is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly; though lofty, he sees them from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me. The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever — do not abandon the works of your hands."
